Stop Comparison from Stealing your Joy
…And let your professional jealousy serve you.
How can I deal with constant comparison getting in my way?
How can I overcome professional jealousies?
If you've been struggling with those questions, you're not alone. Theodore Roosevelt famously said:
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Luckily, I managed to get my professional jealousy in check early on and I believe that has given me a lot of joy.
Today I want to share some mind-shifts and hacks that have helped me keep comparison at bay.
The shift began with an epiphany in my mid-twenties. I was very much battling jealousy around actor friends booking ‘better’ jobs than I had. But, I realised that to have the opportunities other people had would mean giving up being me.
I realised that I couldn’t separate being me, Haley McGee, from the timing and unfolding of my own journey as an artist.
That was both very comforting and liberating for me.
I totally get that sometimes, when we’re feeling really low, we don’t want even to be ourselves at all, and that mental shift is not enough!
That epiphany, along with the other practical things I’m about to share with you, saved me from the grips of the green-eyed monster. I hope they help you too.
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10 practical things you can do today to
Stop Comparison from Stealing your JOY:
UNFOLLOW or MUTE people who make you feel badly. You’re not a bad person for doing this. You’re preserving your wellbeing. Don’t be a masochist. Don’t choose to suffer.
Do a social media cleanse. If all social media is making you feel like a loser, delete the apps from your phone. De-activate your accounts. Give yourself a month off. Break the addiction and see how free you feel.
Scrutinise your friend group. Cultivate the relationships that make you feel good. Pull away from the relationships that leave you feeling low.
*Young artists especially – seek friends outside your industry! They will celebrate all your successes without baggage and they will make you a richer, smarter, more interesting human and artist.Reframe how you view jealousy.
I started to think of jealousy as a good indicator of what I wanted, and therefore where I should be putting my energy and focus. The key here is to not dwell on the jealousy but to use the feeling to spur you into ACTION.Work on your self-esteem
I love a self-help book! Choose your level of woo-woo and read: The Artists’ Way, You Are a Badass or The Law of Attraction. Listen to Liz Gilbert’s Ted Talk. Meditate. Do yoga. And if you can afford it, do therapy.Don’t worry – work.
Confidence is built through practice. Dive into a project.Stop banging on closed doors.
Walk away. Build your own house. I wrote a whole letter on the power of this a while back. Refresh yourself here.Get clear and shift your goals.
Create clear goals about how you want to FEEL in your life, not what accomplishments you can tick off a list. THIS CHANGED everything for me.
Take it from our friend Annie Dillard who writes, “How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing.”Help other people.
Volunteer, donate or offer your support to other people in whatever way feels good to you. Science supports this. Watch Social psychologist, Elizabeth Dunn’s Ted Talk on this, in which she discusses the nuances of this phenomenon ‘it matters how we help.’ Or check out this article with links to studies.Remember that there is no one like you and listen to Martha Graham.
Post this quote above your desk. Read it and take it in:
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
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Sending love and two bracing hands on your shoulders to any of you who are struggling under the weight of comparison or jealousy.
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