A Field Guide to Dealing with Mistakes

As a recovering self-critical perfectionist — also a Virgo Ox — I work hard, I pride myself on my attention to detail and I find making mistakes really embarrassing.
 

While I was chastising myself about a mistake I’d made with my mailing list, I realised this might be a useful thing to talk about.

How do we acknowledge our mistakes, take responsibility and move on?

There is a fine balance to be struck here. IMHO, women in particular need to curb their impulses to apologise, explain and qualify in their day-to-day interactions.

If you’re a chronically saying “Sorry” or beginning emails with “Just wanted …”  or “Just checking…” or saying “So if you could just…”  
 

I recommend the motto: “Never apologise. Never explain.”

(My therapist gave me that one a few years ago. Golden.)  Try it for a week. You’ll see how often you unnecessarily apologise or diminish yourself.
 
On the other hand, when you do make an error, intentionally or not...

1.  Admit it.  “I was wrong.” It’s a powerful sentence.

2.  Then say what you’ve learned and what you are planning to do to correct the mistake, and/or make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

3.  And then, a tough step. If this is a mistake that directly affects another person or people, let them have their reaction, and listen. Don’t defend or argue. Hear them out.  Breathe. Stay grounded. Reiterate your apology.

Another very powerful phrase is “You are right.”

I’ve been doing this in my professional and personal life and it’s extraordinary how admitting fault (when I believe it’s true) and resisting the urge to push back, deescalates conflict quickly.

4.  Once that conversation is complete, make sure you take the necessary actions to correct your mistake and put measures in place so you won’t repeat it.  

5.  Finally, you gotta go inside, forgive yourself and let go of the guilt. In some cases easier said than done. Remind yourself, you’re a human and humans err.

Keep taking chances.  Or as my Aunt Lynda cheekily says, It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

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