Confessions from a Compulsive Workhorse

tiny steps towards healthy boundaries & rest

A little real-talk from behind the scenes over here at Haley McGee Industries.  I am addicted to piling my plate too full. 

It felt like I should begin today with the “back to school” energy January brings – for me it’s always a time of beginning again.

The truth is I am up to my eyeballs with a workload I designed! 

It’s not insurmountable but several projects that I LOVE have ended up coinciding (edits on my forthcoming book, teaching the most incredible artists, putting together a podcast, writing a draft of my new solo show and developing a TV series).

I am not complaining about the work itself. It’s all amazing stuff – dream job stuff – stuff I fought for – but I want to do it all really well and I work slowly.

And perhaps the most slippery part of the issue is: I can’t switch off. 

I’m good at creating schedules and seeing them through. I could finish this work and have time to rest.  But I don’t allow myself to. 

I am compulsive. I sneak back into my computer to do a little tweak here. I lie awake in bed writing in my journal about another tweak there.

It’s not so much workload but my approach to it. It’s the busyness in my mind.

And yes, I meditate; I take baths; I do yoga; I go to therapy.  This is a biggie for me!
 

In September, I had an epiphany. 
 

In an attempt to put some boundaries on MYSELF, I put an auto reply on my emails that explains I won’t be on email from Friday evening till Monday morning.

Even typing that gives me a slight queasy feeling mixed with a Christmas morning zing. 

Have you done this before?  I'm trying to do it for a year.  AHHHHHHH.
 

My relationship with my work is a tangle to unpick. 

I've always loved to work. I have always loved conceiving projects and seeing them through.  This inclination has served me well, but it’s also worn me out and led me to neglect other parts of my life.

Intellectually I know, me being rested will be better for my health, the people I care about and my art. But it's clearly not an intellectual issue! 

Trying to explain my relationship with my work to my partner, I cried, “My work has never let me down.” 

There is a safety in devoting oneself to work.  If the outcome wasn't what I desired, there was always something I could do – pivot, try again, keep going. 

But when things go array in my personal life the salve is more mercurial; the remedies are uncomfortable; resolving issues requires me to relinquish control.  This is very scary.  And yet, I don’t want to live a life that revolves entirely around my work. 

I have nothing profound to say on this. I’m still very much in the muck. 

I like that I love my work. I like that I am a person who enjoys their work. I never want that to change.  But I would also like to be a person who is not afraid to set their work aside, who is not working out of compulsion or fear. 

I recognise the auto-reply email thing is a surface level fix and there’s deeper, more introspective work to do to shift this.  But I think it’s a good start for me.

What do you think?  If you have any insights or tips dealing with work-a-holism, please send them my way.

 If you feel like joining me in this "no email weekends" for a year, please do!  At the very least, it’ll be an interesting experiment.