when you can't get in the front door ... BUILD YOUR OWN HOUSE
turning away from the gatekeepers towards your own art
Have you ever felt the maddening frustration of banging at a door and not being let in?
Maybe it’s the door of an agent, a sector of your industry, particular company you want to work with, a festival where you want to present your work or an artist you wish would bring you onto their team, etc…
The worst part is that you’re really ready to enter the house. You’ve got the right outfit on, you’re prepared to take off your shoes, you’ve done all your research – you know the names of everyone whose already inside and you’ve memorised the house rules.
Maybe once in a while the door opens, but they never take it off the latch before closing it your face. You find yourself with hot tears in your eyes, stomping your feet, fists pounding the door, begging to be let in.
I. HAVE. BEEN. THERE. AND OFTEN.
I have been on that porch, facing a closed door with a wet face, sore hands and bruised pride, infuriated. And I find myself facing these closed doors over and over.
“When I couldn’t get in the front door, I built my own house.”
That’s a phrase I’ve been carrying with me for about a decade. It usually comes to me after some time spent banging on a particular door. I don’t know if I heard it or made it up. (For maximum effect, say it to yourself in the voice of Elaine Stritch.)
I think there’s wisdom in it. The metaphorical side doors and the back doors feel dubious to me – nepotism or selling one’s self out seems to be required for those entry points. After poking at them, I've opted for the grunt work of building something all my own.
Building your own house, though seemingly a lot more work, is a helluva lot more gratifying (IMHO). And when you’re done, you’ll find people are clamouring at your door, keen to come inside.
When you stop trying to bust through a door, or win over a gatekeeper, you take yourself out of a mindset that lacks agency and you put yourself in charge of your work. This is empowering and transformative on many levels.
You go from a temper tantrum (or desperate pleading) to a place of quietly, doing your work. Sure, you might be licking your wounds at first and yes, there will be moments of rage at the injustice and jealousy, but you will be building something entirely of your OWN. So:
Turn away from the gatekeeper towards your ART.
Write your solo show, TV pilot, create a body of work for an installation… If the problem is that you’ve already created the thing and now you need it produced or money for it, make another one. Make a new one. Learn from your last one and do it better this time.
If you’re an interpretive artist, like an actor for example, and need other people to hire you in order to work, make something for yourself – be creative, scour for words that move your soul, look at how other actors have created opportunities for themselves, hone new skills that excite you – go to the places that make you feel good.
Don’t know what your house should look like? Commit to being creative for 10 minutes each day and slowly over time (give it 90 days), a vision will take place. I promise.
This figurative “building your own house” requires patience, an investment of time, “stick-to-it-ness” and follow through. So start small and keep going.
If you’re feeling especially lost as to how you can feel like an artist right now, think about how you might begin to build your own house.
If you want to make a solo show, JOIN MY ONLINE SOLO SHOW CREATION LAB. Registration closes on Sunday 6, September 2020. Details here.
If you need a hand kickstarting your creative practice consider taking part in my FREE 15-minute Micro-Workshop to Kickstart Your Creativity.
Take a listen to creativity guru Liz Gilbert on the Tim Ferriss podcast
Read and do all the exercises in The Artists’ Way
If you’re a quotes person like me, keep scrolling for inspo.
some quotations to inspire you to DO WHAT FEELS GOOD
and CREATE, CREATE, CREATE
“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are — if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.” – Joseph Campbell
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” – As quoted in The Life and Work of Martha Graham (1991) by Agnes de Mille